Reconciliation ｜ Can introverts find happiness in socializing？ What ＂social fear＂ fears is actually …

Cctv news: The first reaction to meeting acquaintances on the road is to avoid; It is safe to take the subway only when you wear headphones; I’m so nervous when I speak in public that my brain goes blank … … Social fear seems to have become an epidemic among young people. Is "social phobia" synonymous with introversion? What is "social fear" afraid of? How to find happiness in social interaction? Liu Xiangyu, a member of China Psychological Association and author of popular psychology science, believes that good social interaction is a state in which you can take off your mask and communicate with others more truly.

1. Is "social phobia" and introversion the same thing?

Liu Xiangyu: In fact, you will find that when it comes to the topic of "social fear", everyone’s performance in different environments is different. When you are with a group of strangers, many people are likely to be in a state of "social fear", sitting quietly in the corner, trying to reduce their sense of existence, and first look around. But on the contrary, if you are with your good friends, everyone becomes a "social cow" again.

In fact, "social fear" and "social cattle" are related to our personality characteristics, but they are not the same concept. It is more a result of the interaction between your own state and the external environment.

At the beginning of the class reunion, I felt that I was "socially afraid". After playing for a day, I recalled many things about my youth, and everyone’s connection was re-established. You may be more willing to express yourself. In the same scene, we may all switch from "social fear" to "social cow", so it is not a stable personality trait.

But in contrast, introversion and extroversion are relatively stable personality characteristics.

What is character? Character is actually the tendency of behavior. Under similar circumstances, you will react to one thing in the same way. After a long time, this tendency will remain stable for a long time, which will form your character.

For example, two children, parents don’t have much time to accompany them. One is to often let the children play at home by themselves, and the other is to eat "hundreds of meals" and grow up. You will find that children who grow up eating "a hundred meals" may form an extroverted personality, while children who play at home by themselves will be more introverted. Why is this? When a child who eats a hundred meals wants to meet his own needs, he needs to find someone, ask his relatives for help, or find a classmate to play with. The child who is locked at home is in a bad mood, so he can only think for himself what is going on and why. When he is watching TV, he is also in a state of passive absorption.

Of course, apart from environmental factors, personality traits are also related to genes.

In fact, the key lies in the difference between inside and outside. Introversion is to seek one’s own peace internally. For an introvert, he will feel very tired if he is allowed to engage in social activities all day. Give him a small space and leave him alone for a while, and he will feel much more comfortable. And extroversion is active, and only by socializing with others can we get more satisfaction. From this point of view, we can also understand that there are different ways of self-satisfaction and realizing our internal needs, one is external and the other is internal.

2. What is "social fear" afraid of?

Liu Xiangyu: Actually, "social fear" cares about whether you can truly express yourself in a group. If we find that in an environment, we can freely express ourselves and show our uniqueness, we may be easy to "social cattle". Because you will feel that this environment is tolerant and will not attack you because you have done something very unique.

Perhaps there is a contradiction in our bones. We are eager to stand out from the crowd, and on the other hand, we are afraid of being attacked because we are too unique, so we keep ourselves consistent with others to protect ourselves from harm. That is, such an ambivalent psychology will make us present different social states in different environments.

3. What kind of socialization is good socialization?

Liu Xiangyu: People are social animals, and we have to establish connections with the outside world. But the ancients often said that we should be moderate and everything should be in a comfortable range. Psychology is to let people live in a state that makes them comfortable without affecting others.

So, what kind of socialization is worth looking forward to? It is a state in which you can take off your mask and communicate with others with a more authentic self. This state will be very relaxed and a state of sincere and mutual communication. Compared with the hustle and bustle on the wine table, it will certainly be easier to get along with friends.

On the one hand, good socialization can make you comfortable, on the other hand, it should conform to the current environment. We talk about communicating with others with our true selves, but the degree of truth is different in different environments. Your behavior should adapt to the environment, so that you are safe, because everyone also needs to meet their own security needs.